How to Deal with a Dominating Nanny

Lisa is quite fortunate to be spared from the tribulations of hiring, training and firing nannies. The nanny of her children, Linda, is the same woman who took care of her husband when he was merely a few months old. Since then, she has never left the family and continues to this day to care for all of them in spite of her age (she’s 63).

She did hire a couple of nannies in the past, but they served only as temporary replacements while Linda took brief vacations in her native land.

Several mothers she knows of have so many horror stories to tell about previous nannies of their children. One nanny stole money and clothes. Another hit the kids. Then there’s this one who liked walking around the house in tiny shorts and tight shirts because she wants to flirt with her male employer.

But the greatest common denominator among the complaints is this: the nanny who thinks she’s another parent. And this is the type that is probably the toughest to deal with, because she is generally more audacious, opinionated, outspoken and just downright impudent compared to her run-of-the-mill counterparts. This Wannabe Mama, the nanny who:

• Thinks she always knows what’s best for your child and won’t listen to your concerns.
• Is vocal enough to challenge you.
• May not be vocal in challenging you, but defies your orders once you leave the house and readjusts them to suit her whims.
• Directly or indirectly reminds you that she spends more time with your child than you do.
• Breaks into quality time you spend with your kid hugging and playing and horsing around by inviting the child to jump into her arms.
• Criticizes you both in private and public when your child misbehaves by saying things like you don’t spend enough time with the kid to discipline him or her.
• Smugly lets you know that she knows your child better than you do.
• Talks “sassy-talk” to you, your husband and the rest of the household and makes important decisions without consulting anyone ó an indication that she is on a power high, thinking that the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world (which means your precious home).

Put Her in Her Place

She may be caring for your child, which is already a praiseworthy job, but that doesn’t give her license to dominate or exert her authority in a household where she is obviously not queen!

“Forgive me for sounding snooty, but, she’s still a helper, not mother or a family member,” Dints out Joan, an accountant and mother of two little boys. I can fire her easily if she doesn’t keep to her place. Nannies should was’ not to cross the line into my territory.”

Echoing Joan’s sentiment is Christy, a magazine editor id mother of a toddler son, “It can be a huge challenge when your nanny’s renting philosophies don’t jibe with yours,” she says. “And problems tend to arise if the nanny forgets that it’s the parent’s responsibility to make important decisions (in the end).

Here are some pointers to help put you back on the parenting track and dealing with that Wannabe Mama:

Does your child listen/eat/sleep better for your nanny than for you? Could your child possibly prefer your nanny to you? If you’re feeling a lump in your throat, you’re certainly not the first parent to feel insecure (or even paranoid) about your child’s relationship with the nanny. What’s important, though, is to first get a handle on your emotions so any discussion that ensues will begin on a more rational note.

As for your nanny, is it possible she feels unappreciated? A nanny could make certain remarks out of a need to show that she’s doing a good job.

Set clear guidelines. State work hours, responsibilities and salary, but also put in writing specifically how you want your nanny to handle the many facets of caring for your child.

Start and end any discussion on a positive note. That is especially true if you’re happy with your nanny overall and don’t want to lose her.

Ditch her/him if need be. Despite all your best efforts into making the relationship work, you may just have one of those nannies who continually oversteps her boundaries, causing you more stress than it would to find someone new.

Categories: l'éducation | Tags: child, child care, children, home care, nanny, relationship | No Comments »